Problems - Part 2

If you didn't read the last one now would be a good time or this won't make any sense.  It probably won't make any sense anyway.  Reglardless, here is the second segment of the story, submitted by me.  Reading this it occurs to me that I might be a nut-bar.

Here it is. 

"I realized that as bad as I had smelled before, I hadn't even come close to smelling as bad as the people getting off the boats in Boston Harbor.  It was really, really bad.  The pollution wafting from those cabins was some of the most eye-wateringly pungent aroma that had ever assailed my nasal cavity, and that's saying a lot as I was watching from a distance through binoculars.  As I reeled and gagged and tried not to let anyone notice my discomfort, an idea dawned on me.  I decided to hit the time machine again, but this time opted not to travel via horseback, since I was limping and bowlegged enough from the beating I had undergone already.  Luckily my clever uncle had included a nifty device that synced my DNA up with a biological algorithm in the inner workings of the time machine's CPU and allowed me to use it remotely.  He had also added a security device to the protocols:  In order to access the mainframe, the operator had to be reminiscing fondly about watching "Back to the Future" or the machine wouldn't work, it would just repeatedly print out crock-pot recipes.  This prevented non-time travel lovers from mucking around in the past and ruining it for everybody.  

After one or two failures which pleasantly enough resulted in my learning a nice stewed dumpling recipe, I conjured up my most powerful Michael J. Fox-in-a-life-preserver memory, accessed the machine and was whisked to Philly, circa 1888.  It was here and now, I remembered from my 7th grade U.S. History class, that an unknown inventor had first offered up the idea for deodorant.  Little had I known at the time of the class that I myself would later, in the past, be that unknown contributor to the invention.  After looking around for some time for a place in which to plug my crock-pot and not finding one, I settled for some beef jerky and set about my task.  I tell you, gas station beef jerky of 2010 is no match for real smokehouse beef jerky purchased from a vendor cart in 1888.  So as not to tear the fabric of space-time I casually dropped some hints with some local scientific communities (while remaining anonymous, lest the gravitational disturbances induced by a continuum-freakout drag the entire dimension into a realm of pure psychedelic wormhole tomfoolery), and snuck ever so nonchalantly back to the time machine.  Here I reflected on my contributions to olfactory desensitization and the fact that thanks to me, social acceptability and general hygiene would form a sort of chemical dependence for at least another hundred and twenty years.  I didn't mind, overmuch, since my next stop was..."

I sure do enjoy a good comma splice!  See how I used the time machine remotely there?  I must have realized the mistake the last guy made of using it as a teleporter and tried to compensate.  Worked out nicely I think.        

I know, it's ridiculous... but that's how I like it.

TSN