Being a knight, doing the whole lancing thing, that seems like it wouldn't be much fun. So much armor you can barely move, tiny eye-slits to peek out of, and on a bad day at the office you wind up on your face in the dirt twitching around because you can't stand up on your own. Possibly with a splintered piece of wood protruding from some place on your body.
"What's that poking out of your face there Ed?"
"Ah, it's just a bit of lumber. Nothing to worry about."
Zipper technology hadn't really taken hold yet either, much less zippers robust enough to grant access through 1/8" plate armor. Much easier just to pee on yourself than to try and weasel out of all that gear. Must have smelled pretty rank. Come to speak of it, deodorant wasn't exactly topping the charts at the market either.
Imagine some smitten little maiden, all excited when her knight in shining armor comes galloping up to her window... he gathers her up, puts her on the horse behind him... she tries to put her arms around him but the joints in the armor keep pinching her every time the horse takes a step so she winds up doing a balancing act on her maidenly buttocks.
She quickly realizes that he reeks of pee, body odor and (for some reason) soggy dog. He's oblivious to it, having ridden for days to rescue her in the hot sun. He finally gets back to his pad, she's been bounced half to death on the ass end of a horse, her hair is a mess and now she's faced with the task of peeling away layers of armor, mail, leathers and whatever anti-chaff mechanisms he's got on under there.
The smell punches her directly in the face, and she swoons. He thinks she's just impressed by his ever-so-manly physique, and comes in for a smooch. Just ahead of his approaching lips is a wall of stink like dead skunk and spoiled milk soup in a Limburger cheese bowl. She does her best to cope, but at the last minute her survival instincts take over; she knees him in the crotch and takes off running down the cobblestones.
And they live happily ever after.
TSN
2 comments:
exactly.
haha yeah, can you imagine how badly they smelled back then? Especially during the times when they believed bathing striped away your immunity to sickness. But I bet we won't see that reality in any Disney movie... :~)
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