Squirrel Drama

What must a squirrel be thinking when he gets halfway across the road and suddenly realizes that there's an enormous loud thing barreling towards him at sixty miles per hour?  Maybe this: 

"Doot dee doo... hey maybe I'll go over there, yeah, that's what I'll do!  Doot dee doo... HOLY CRAP!  How did I not notice that before?  It's right there!  AWW, MOTHER $@%)&!" 

Wide eyed and panic-stricken, he freezes.  Woooooosh!  The tires crunch by just 2.5 centimeters from his nose.  He feels the heat from the exhaust, and the turbulence bowls him over.  In mid somersault he wonders why he'd bothered to measure the distance from his nose to the tire, and also where he had found a metric ruler of squirrel proportions. 

"Duuuuuuude..."

Shaken, he bugs out.  Back to his happy place halfway up a tree, where he sits panting in the crook of a limb for some time.  With unsteady paws, he pours himself a scotch on the rocks and busts out his hand-held wireless device from a little known pocket that squirrels have. 

*boop-beep-booo, beep-beep-boop-booo* 

In the animal kingdom, local phone calls are still seven digits. 

"Hello?"
"Baby?"
"Hey, you sound weird, are you okay?"
"Not really, just about got smeared."
"Oh my fuzzy God, are you alright?"
"I think so, $!*% me..."
"My parents are coming to stay with us for a couple of months."
"Hang on, I think I left something on the other side of the road."
*click, brrrrrrrrrrr...........

TSN