Peter Pan - Part VI

Part VI

While Tinkerbell is busy plotting another betrayal of Peter and pre-meditating some Wendy-related killings, the lost boys have let themselves be convinced by Wendy that they need a mother.  They live in a hole under a tree, and they're all wearing the skins of dead animals and don't seem old enough to have ever been apprenticed to a tanner, so the skins probably haven't been cured at all.  They're just wearing dead animal skin.  That's nasty, and Wendy is probably right, but Peter doesn't buy it and tells her she and the rest of them can go suck an egg.

Wendy, her brothers, and the lost boys decide to leave immediately, and exit the tree through a little hole, intent on returning to London.  None of them takes into account the fact that they need a healthy dusting of Tinkerbell's dandruff in order to fly, and she (as far as they know) won't be back for a week because she's been banished for attempted murder.  In actuality, of course, she's alone on a pirate ship locked in a lantern.  The pirates are all waiting outside the tree with a stack of burlap sacks and a good bit of rope.

As the children exit the tree one at a time the pirates gag, bag, and hogtie them.  They're hauled off to the ship.  Hook waits for Peter to come out, but Peter is down in the hole feeling sorry for himself so Hook lowers a box into the hole that's neatly wrapped to look like a gift from Wendy.  It has a big fancy pink bow on it and everything, although nobody knows which of the pirates had that handy.  The box is not a gift so much as it is an improvised explosive device set to detonate very soon.  

There must be some sort of tear in the fabric of the space time continuum, because somehow Wendy and the boys are already on the ship with Captain Hook just as Peter gets the box.  Perhaps the ship was parked right there and was just a few swarthy steps away.  He reads the little note that says "To Peter, From Wendy" and has no problem with the fact that she hasn't had nearly enough time to fashion a gift for him.  He's so used to being fawned-over by all the Neverlandian women that it doesn't even register as strange that he should recieve a gift from a woman who was moments ago giving him the almighty stink-eye and walking out the door on him.  

Many things happen at once.  For some reason, Hook offers Wendy and the boys positions on his crew.  He must have been short-handed (ba-dum, tssshhh).  Wendy refuses to become a pirate and tells Hook he's welcome to apply his piratey pursed lips to her wee British ass.  Hook declines this offer like a gentleman and instead orders her to walk the plank at sword-point.  Her hands are tied behind her back, which guarantees her a nasty bit of drowning.  She takes these orders like a champ and heads toward her death with her chin up, telling the boys to be brave as they watch her die.

Peter slowly begins to open the box.  Tinkerbell rocks her glass prison until it tips and breaks, and buggers off at top speed to warn Peter about the bomb that she couldn't have known about because Hooks plan was originally to capture Peter, not blow him up.  Wendy takes a step towards her death.  Peter is almost finished opening the box.  Tinkerbell fireballs in so fast that particles in the atmosphere exfoliate her entire body, leaving skin-flakes trailing behind her like a meteorite.  Wendy takes another step.  Tink zips into the tree, grabs the box and flies out of there just as it explodes in a cataclysm that makes nuclear weapons tests look like Cub Scout marshmallow-roasting campfires in comparison.

With Tinkerbell most likely reduced to a sparkly cloud of ashes and a tiny jealous poltergeist, Peter is pretty bummed but realizes he needs to go help the children even though he doesn't know they're in trouble since Tink never had a chance to tell him.  He flies off at top speed.  Wendy takes one last step and disappears off the end of the plank.  She makes a whistling sound as she goes down, presumably for dramatic effect.  The pirates lean towards the edge with horrible smiles on their faces and their hands cupped behind their ears in anticipation of the splash... but there isn't one.

Mr. Smee assumes there's witchcraft afoot because Wendy never hit the water, and there is some gnashing of what few teeth remain among the crew as they cast fearfully about for ghosts and the like.  Instead, they see the silhouette of Peter Pan against the mainsail and quickly figure out that he's caught Wendy, that she's not dead and neither is he, and that they've failed yet again to accomplish one simple friggin task without screwing it up.  

Previous (Part V):  http://extremenoob.blogspot.com/2014/06/peter-pan-part-v.html
Next (Part VII): http://extremenoob.blogspot.com/2014/06/normal-0-false-false-false-en-us-x-none.html