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| ^This picture of Milton was blatantly stolen. Thanks Google images! ^ |
Leave cold-sore medication next to any baked goods brought in by co-workers
Assume the fetal position with your thumb in your mouth anytime the boss enters the room
Sand/whittle flat spots on all the wheels on coworkers chairs
Sand/whittle flat spots on all the wheels on coworkers chairs
Carry a measuring tape around and randomly measure things
Encircle your chair with garlic and use only silver-coated staples
Print all emails and put them on bosses desk for approval
Buy a blow-up doll and label it "whipping boy"
Learn "Yes sir/ma'am" in 10 languages
Wear a lollipop ring and try to get everyone to kiss it
Don't mute your phone during conference calls - hum "It's a Small World" repeatedly
Answer everything with: "That's not what YOUR boss told me."
Practice the bagpipes during coffee breaks
Set up an inflatable pool in the smoking area, then sun bathe at regular intervals throughout the day
Bring a child to work every day
Buy a doberman and train him to guard your chair
Reorganize bosses office at random intervals
Install taps on your shoes
Trade your office chair out for a bar stool - explain that you wanted to feel more at home
Pretend your hand got caught in the coffee fund can - run around screaming and pleading for help
French-kiss the vending machine while wearing an "I love chocolate" t-shirt
Show up to work in the same toga you wore to the office Christmas party the night before
Wear a giant drive-through window headset and act as if you're on a secret conference call
Ask for mornings off to attend Facebook-addict support group meetings
Put pictures of boss's spouse on mid-level supervisors desk
Begin or end every sentence with the words "inferior mortal"
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